Dwelling into Memories

From time to time, life gets monotonous and then when I get tired of wandering here and there , I explore my memories. The connections, the experiences, the moments, the life all comes back to me and I feel alive. We are blessed to have a mind to record and re-live times that were there and the happiness that they brought. By writing small details of good memories, you can always touch those paths which your mind might have forgotten but the diary didn't. Walking on those paths again might be saddening because they are just a part of your diary now but at the same time, I think, they are strengthening because they give you satisfaction that even if it was for once, you did get the opportunity to experience such joys and they give you hope that Life has the capability to bring much more.

Every single life is special because it was given as a blessing from Allah and though it might seem to us that because we are not Quaid-e-Azam or Helen Keller or Lady Diana, we have achieved nothing special, it is not the case. All the lives in this world are connected with each other, my being might have had a positive impact on A's life and A's life on B's and B's on C's and so goes on the circle of life. That, in turn, makes us all important in our own special way.

From memories to life to philosophies, my mind is drifting off again. I will go now but leave you to wander off in your best memories for at least the next 5 minutes. Re-connect, enjoy and be thankful!!

The Happy Place ?!!

Some times in life, you want to go to a place, where there is only nature, you and God. No other   thing and no one else around you. I think that can be called the happy place sometimes. I have a vision of my happy place, I think you do too? I love sea side so that always has to be an active component of my happy place vision. I like how the waves make a ripple, and how life seems so big and so small when you stand in front of the open sea. It feels like it calls on you, to me at least it does seem so. This idea scares me and makes me wonder too. We are all born to live and die alone. That is the natural instinct, though to survive we need to make contacts but in essence the soul aches for peace with one's ownself and not with the the whole world. Ever wondered why? I wonder that often and again.

Darkness

Has any one of you every wondered about 'Darkness' and how weak yet strong it really is? Once it hovers over you, it even hides your own shadow from you. This fact alone shows how deceiving this darkness element is. It engulfs you in such a suffocating hug that even if you want to go, your senses start giving in. At these times, the only revival remains in the element of faith. The mighty friend that would not let you go even if you try keeping it at bay. The believe that life will pave a way out from you, the believe that you would fight the darkness and win, and the believe that your creator is watching over you will eventually lead you out to light and the pieces of that broken puzzle will eventually fall in place.

The only thing to remember is that these pieces are just completing part of the whole and there are many broken puzzles to fall in to place to see the final picture. The final picture will be promising if you connect the right pieces at the right time so ultimately it is in your hands how you deal with it.

I hope we all are able to build up a fulfilling picture at the end.

Have a good night everyone!

Back back but hey, am I really back?

It feels like an eternity since I have penned down my thoughts and I think I did miss it terribly. Well there is no better reason to it other than this that I was just trying to get that person out of me, that person who writes and likes writing.

Sometimes that feeling of not knowing what befalls you, feels good and some times when you see those dangers zooming in, you feel anxious and restless. These days I am turning on to a new page of my life, well not really very new but yes some small changes await me like shadows in the dark. I can't see them clearly but I can sense their existence and that gives me excitement and fear both at the same time. The unpredictability of life makes its much more worth living. This makes me think the same thing which I thought in the morning today that life is so beautiful, so colorful, so vivid. I hope we all get a chance to live to our best as that is the biggest blessing one can yearn for.

Do you know how interesting an organ the brain is? It connects so many small terrains of thoughts and gives you flashbacks of what is stored in your memory in a time span of just a few seconds. My husband saw a train today and smiled. I asked him what did he see? He told me that the train reminded him of a friend he met on the train, then his brain went on thinking about the last time he met that friend, which reminded him of one of the restaurants where they met and that reminded him of the manager of that restaurant and how that manager had cracked a joke, and that joke was the reason behind his smile. Weird no!!? I mean yes, this is our amazing organ at work. Even walking, eating, moving hands everything is guided by what out brain tells our body. Blessed creatures are we! I count this all as blessings from our creator which we of course take for granted many times.

Anyways, I think this is enough of my random thoughts spilling out for one day, I will save the rest of my raving for another time. Have a good night reader!

Winter Rumbling

A lot of times these days, I wonder about the real meaning of life. Why are we here, why are we doing all what are we doing, where is this all going, should I be really doing what am I doing? The whole day, most of us run like crazy after what we think is so important to us but have you ever given it a thought as to what is really important for your existence? Have you ever closed you eyes, taken a deep breath, closed yourself from all inputs of outer world and just listened to what the inner soul is saying? If not then you should and then make the decision on the real purpose of life for yourself. Most of the time we are either living on the expectations of others or we are living for the false wishes the world around develops in us.

With time, you learn how things move forward in life and with time you learn to face the harsh realities of life. Sometimes I think that the childhood days are the most fun days of one's life. There is no tension, no hurries, no worries and most importantly you live in your own little pure world which definitely reflects the best in you :)! Amazing days, aren't they?

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At This Moment....

At this moment, I am not thinking particularly about anything but I do realize that I don't like very crowded metros. I am also not fond of people peeping in to your note book when you are trying to pen down something, even if it is just a feeling that I get, I still don't like it.

I just saw a car being carried away on those tow trucks which pick up cars etc, the ones that are parked on the wrong side of the lane and this car was a bright shiny new one too. The first thought that came to my mind was, at this moment the owner of the car would be so sad, at this moment when I am writing down this note in a satisfactorily good mood. At this moment, there are so many people in the world who are coming in to existence, so many people who are losing the light of life, so many people smiling and so many people shedding away the sadness in their life through tears.

At this moment, we are all part of the big world, sharing the same 'life'..... YET .... living such different stories ..... all at THIS moment ....

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My Humming Thoughts (II)

Some times I think you need to see beyond the person's outer self and peep into his/her heart to see the reality in perspective! This I believe, is definitely one of the ingredients for the recipe of any successful relationship. One cannot 'always' make decisions or pass judgments on what the other party says or do, rather one has to use all his God gifted senses and see the soul within. Trust me, after you have been able to maintain any relationship for some time, you would have gained an insight into human philosophy and developed an ability to see beyond the faces.

Have you ever tried driving in any transport mode in a long tunnel? You see the light at the end of the tunnel, so tempting yet so far away but that light motivates you to move on, drive quickly, it becomes your main reason for going on. That is exactly what I feel for problems and sadness we face in life. Though it seems very dark when you are in it, always remember there is a light at the other end waiting to embrace you with open arms.

My Humming Thoughts - (I)

It feels good to be able to look forward to things and feel the same way you used to some time ago. Some times we loose ourselves in the monotony of life and get so much engulfed in small issues that the big'ness' of nature and the blessing to enjoy it seems to fade away in the distance.

I was telling a friend yesterday that we humans have been blessed with an amazing ability to bounce back from the toughest of situations and move on even though some times we do it with dragging feet but for sure we always come out of those situations from which we never believe we can. Yes, this is the beauty of being a human, so much flexibility wrapped up in a hard cover of rigidity.

I think 'Trust' is one of the basic elements for hope. If you trust on people or things to improve and most importantly if you trust your God's plan for you, you would eventually go on hoping in life. No matter how hard things become, you will always have the candle of hope burning within you.

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Just a small note ....

Being considerably techsavvy, I finally got my own IPad to play with now which makes me quite happy particularly because I can do my two favourite hobbies, that is read and write, any time and any where I want. Not that I could not do them before because a notepad, pencil and books, all are quite easily obtainable products these days but I some how feel more comfortable and definitely less lazier in sharing and posting on a device like this. Generally I really like to share what I feel and see with any writing platform because venting out by any means is good specially for health. It makes you feel light and of course in the process, it makes up priceless memories which you can read later on and once again feel the same way you felt times ago. This is my very first post from my latest acquired technology and I hope I can now post and share more frequently as I would like to.

 

 

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Random 'ness'

Before I get another reason for not starting a piece in my blog, I have quickly opened the editor to compose something, anything that gives me a window to vent out. I need it desperately but the problem is that I am not getting time these days :(

It has been so long since my last post here, and I felt bad and sad about it.

Life is not a smooth journey always, you need to go down, come up again, go down all over and come up yet all over again! I just read this saying on facebook which one of my friends posted and it made me ponder ..

"The struggle you are in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow, dont give up!"

It made me ponder over the real meaning of life. I totally believe that life for every one on this planet earth is a battle. A battle between who you are and what people want you to be, a battle between what you want and what you get, a battle between reality and illusion. Most importantly its a battle between  choosing right over wrong and believe me that's the ultimate struggle we go through at every second of our lives. At times we make wrong decisions but we have to live up with them because we made them but ofcourse we can always hope for things to get better. Though I do think that 'only' hoping for betterment does not give you positive results because when you are in it, you have to do it, play your cards, take the plunge and just do something or anything to makes things right. Only hope won't do you any good other than keeping you in fantasy land forever. You are the only one who can make things right and yes, hope and determination will be your friends over this course.

I have this feeling that life is just flying these days, I get up and then ..... I go to sleep. The things in the middle of these two ends seem all hazy. Sometimes I want to stop time, don't want to go into future, don't want to think about past but just be in that present. Then I tell myself, you have to go on, you have to start implementing so many dreams and close so many dark tunnels, you have to change what you can and leave what you can't, but for everything to be done, you have to go on ....
and so I do..!

It is 'Happy' time !

Happiness is a weird phenomena seriously. When it comes, it comes with a bang, changing you completely for the time period that it engulfs you. You feel good about everything around you and within you. You completely forget about all the worries and you just keep on thinking about the thing which made you happy. Your blood starts running fast in your veins (which is the adrenaline rush) and in this mode you just feel positive about every other negative thing in your life which is funny because the second you get out of the happiness mode, you feel negative about the same things again. Yes, that is the affect this happiness has on our brain, our heart and most importantly on our soul. There are so many actually countless moments in life where we feel such happiness even if it was just that happy time when hundreds of people liked your recent display picture on facebook or it was just that happy moment when your mother hugged you when you really needed it, there are still many of them but mostly we forget the less happiness giving times and remember only the major ones.

Yesterday I was very happy too because of something my parents did for me. Everything felt and sensed wonderful. All the things that were bugging me were just plainly ignored by me because I just wanted to think about my parents and just them. I felt so blessed and I felt good about life in general. I didn't even know how time went by yesterday (which for me doesn't normally pass so quickly because I am quite free these days) . It was like the phase when you fall in love, probably love gives people happiness and that is why they remain in a world of their own.They feel good about everything and everyone around till they are in love or in other words till they are happy.

Below given is an excerpt from one of my own poems titled 'Happiness'.

Sense Twilight coming over  

Feel gust of departure wafting

Yet my heart is illuminated

And my soul feels enlightened

Yes, happiness environs my spirit

The greatest fortune, one could every wish for

That eternal bliss I have ever yearned for

Has blessed my being finally

O God let this be for eternity

Let this jewel be my ornament enduringly

Just Posting!

Just felt like posting some motivating lines from one of my poems ( for those of you who are interested in knowing, yes  ... I do write poetry at times :) ).

So the lines go like ...


 

There’s a feeling of pain

Why am I not contented

Why can’t I figure it out?

And yet again as I ponder

I see a glimpse of hope

Pushing me away

Away for good

Have to hold on to this twine

Can’t let it go

Because I see it

See survival gazing at me

Alas the shadows are still increasing

Darkening my path

Is it the sunset or my vision blurring?

Nevertheless, I am holding

Holding on to you ….. my faith

And I know then

I know then ... that I will survive

Whiny Me

Its friday, a blessed day as is said in my religion but I don't feel very good today and the bad part is that I know the reason behind it! It is definitely better if you have no clue about things rather than knowing them and not doing anything about them. Probably that is why they say 'Ignorance is a bliss'. Sigh! I know in my heart that I have to do a lot of things to make other things right but I am not doing them. I need the medicine of 'pushing', some thing or some one to just push me into the realm of  'doing things' where I would do what I should be doing without any further delays. Do you know where I can get that medicine?

Anyways I was just thinking few moments back about a negative issue which happened and some how my mind by itself give me an example of a more negative issue which didn't happen. I, who was whining about the happening of former issue started thanking God about the unhappening of the latter one. Funny right? I mean if we actually start acting on that saying 'Count your blessings, not your woes', we can easily rid our over burdened brain from one of the many problematic thoughts it faces and move forward a little more happier but that is if and only if we start acting on the above given saying which is definitely not so easy!

As if I am in a flitting dream ...

Lately I have started to ponder upon this 'time' thing more and more. Have you noticed how quickly the time is passing? I see my life for instance, how it has changed within a span of just 1 year. A careless kid, much loved and pampered, suddenly has become a responsible young lady managing her own home now. My family, whom I grew up with for so many years and never noticed the changes time was doing to us but now when I am away from them, I can see it all. As a spectator I can easily comprehend how every one is growing and at what speed time is passing. My little sisters born in front of me now are achieving great feats in life, my cute niece just 6 months old on my wedding, now got her first toy car and proudly the youngest member of her pre-school class. I mean isn't it amazing how this time is just passing at an unimaginable speed?

As the time passes, you also learn to let go of previous 'times' and move ahead with the stream of life. At this time I am reminded of this following beautiful quote from one of my favourite movies titled 'The Lovely Bones',

Susie Salmon: "These were the lovely bones that had grown around my absence. The connections, sometimes tenuous, sometimes made at great cost, but often magnificent., that happened after I was gone. And I began to see things in a way that let me hold the world without me in it."

Perhaps I can appreciate this time passing due to one more fact which is this that I do have a lot of 'time' these days in particular to think about life. Sad but true that our busy lives just doesn't give us enough time to think about such things and appreciate the importance of every second that goes by.

I guess when we would die, most of us would agree to this saying about life from the same movie mentioned above,

Susie Salmon: "I was here for a moment, And then .... I was gone."

So everyone! in short, life is very small. We should live, feel, do, as if there is going to be no next moment. I guess then we would be more satisfied than we are now and what is more a blessing than contentment of the soul.

The Light Around Me

There are so many times when I feel like penning down my thoughts and feelings but the absence of my PC or note pad makes me feel kind of crippled at those times. Those are the times when I just 'feel' the beauty of what I wanted to express in words. There are so many feelings we get through out our lives. Some are good, some are bad, some are expressable and some are not. I also 'feel' that at times I take this feeling sense of me for granted. Actually there are other things like this that I take for granted as well and dont thank my creator for the small blessings I have. Indeed, he is the one who can give and take everything but thanking him is what we should do as our duty towards him.

Just a few hours back, I had a fulfilling meal and now I am just staring out my bedroom window onto a sunny afternoon. The sun rays make my window sill look like it is made from gold and the shadow of the window on my wall looks like some one has caved a no. 11 on it with a shimmering orangish yellow light bulb. Life is beautiful, yes it so is ... there is so much to see, feel, sense and be thankful for yet our over indulgence in whining over small things makes us blind towards the beauty all around us which is definitely much more bigger than those petty petty things.

Looking harder ..

In life there are times when you just feel like letting your inself out and feeling the warmth of nothing inside. This is one of those many times when we are reminded of the power of an important part of our body which is the brain. We use our brain and look around for some thing or some one to act as a vent. At such instances, we only care about the vent's necessity and nothing else. Sometimes we vent through eyes, some times we vent through heart , some times its the friends, some times the family, some times the note pad and so on goes the list.

Once the mountain of emotions bursts up and the adrelanine rush smoothens a bit, you get to feel how good it is to sense nothing inside you or alteast carry with you lesser burden than before. But, have we ever thought about what the 'other party' feels. Whether its a part of our own self or some other self that acts as a vent for us, its still getting to be the holder of our burden. So are we being fair by venting out our worries on some one/thing else? Quite a point to ponder on but I think, we as humans are selfish creatures. We mostly care for something if it reaps positive results for us otherwise we just move on removing the chapter of that thing from the book of our lives. Sad, but in real ... facts are bitter mostly ... no?

Beauty

Life is beautiful, indeed it is. These days the colors of summer all around make me feel happy and in turn remind me of the small beings we are in the big circle of existence. Every one I see is busy in some part of their life, occupied in achieving goals and purposes but in the end it comes down to going back. Yes, going back to where it all started from and from there begins the real test. So if I think a lot, this world and the life that we have is just a drop of rain in the heavy infinite downpour. Then why is there much fret, pain, hurt, anger and so on goes the list elements present in the one drop of rain we stand in. I think i definitely need to polish up my drop a bit, removing the darkness and illuminating it to see where its going. Because once I know where my drop is going to fall, I can prevent it from going haywire in the strong winds and wicked lightening. After all, the best rain drop not only gets to go back in the skies but also gets to stay there for an eternity with peace.

Quote/Un-Quote

I read this saying on facebook in a friend's favourite quotes section and I don't know who exactly said it but I totally agree with him/her , it goes like ...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can learn to appreciate them when they are right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together"

Its a total killer, this quote. Killer in the sense that it has a profound touch to it yet its so mild in speech. I like the way the person is expressing the amazing certainty that he has in his mind and heart in a strong tone but with a subtle attitude. I just plainly like the saying too much but if given a chance I would just add some more reality to it by editing one line in it as follows,

"You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but your God"

Because I believe that trust in God leads to trust in yourself eventually.

Associations

Have you ever noticed how we humans tend to associate things with things in our minds. Like we go to some city and have a bad experience there. We would always associate the bad part with the city and wouldn't want to go there again and give it a second chance. Similarly we have experiences with people and we no matter how much we try to move on, those memories linger on in our minds and we would associate that bad thing with that person somewhere always in our sub conscious no matter how much he/she is good to us afterwards.

There are some relationships though that are so powerful that you not only forgive but also forget the bad things some involved party did to you and move on with a fresh start as if nothing happened in the first place. So yes, we humans have the capability of driving away from associations in our minds but we mostly don't make effective use of it due to the power our mind has over our heart. If we do put the aforementioned capability to work, I am sure we would have new and better experiences in our life in various matters, but yes its difficult to do that, it definitely is.

Then again, 'will power' can take you places, can't it ?

Sometimes....

I was sitting in the quiteness of my parent's home terrace and sipping in the serenity of the surrounding with a tinch of the typically soothing 'Karachi' night air, leaving far behind myself the rumblings of the ever alive city. It was a calm sensation that hugged me gently leaving me complete and incomplete in the same point of time. There was a scenic view in front of me where there was this white fluffy cloud whose edges were marked by the pure white light of the half moon partially visible due to the huge plam tree standing still in the neighbourhood since my child hood days and which was then obscuring my full view behind it. The voices in the background of the television set and my family made me feel secure somehow.

I have experienced this moment of calmness many a times living practically half of my life in this place and this familiar view from the terrace never failed in making me feel good. I realize that its these 'some times' of life that we might not remember the next hour or the next day but they are the ones which are so highly needed in the busy world we live in these days. We don't know when our sacred horse will fall down in the horse race we run every second of our existence but atleast we should have a heart to give the horse a break from the chaotic picture he is in mostly. I hope I am making sense to you all but my point is simple, life should be taken seriously as far as achieving its purpose is concerned but other than that the lightness of its essence should be enjoyed too. Life is too short seriously so why not live it in a happy way so that your creator also feels happy that he blessed you with this wonderful gift.

P.S. for those of you who don't know which place is Karachi, let me just say one thing that its the most happening city of the country 'Pakistan' :)